the people at my work make me hate video games

its been a year since I started to post on this again after my nearly 2 year break.
in that 2 years, I felt like I had grown in SO many ways.
I guess it had a lot to do with me going to college, touring, moving out on my own, meeting new people and experincing many new things.
but not that I look back on the past year, what have I learned?
I feel like a lot of this year was filled with pain, heartache & confusion.
On the flipside, there are A LOT of fond memories with friends & my band that I've had.

somethings that really stand out are:
falling in love.
sharing many weekends with brittany.
lots of shows & touring with my band.

I really want to take a second to reflect on the second one.
Brit has literally always helped me through everything.
From dealing with heartbreak to sitting in a room with me alone while I have my emotional breakdowns in the state of inebriation.
I really appreciate her for that.

I've also come to really appreciate my friends for what they do for me.
My friends are the only people who have my back. they are my family.

I turn 21 in 6 days.
I'm old... it happens I guess...

this year, for my 21st birthday. I don't want anything from anybody.
I honestly just want to be happy and to make others happy.
I want to love and be loved.
I want to lay in bed with someone I love and just talk about everything & nothing.
I want to lay in the grass in the spring and love the world for what it is.
I want to share my music with the world.
I want to share a sandwich with my friends
I want to hug my friends and tell them that I love them and that I'm nothing without them.

I want to give all that I am into living to be all that I can be.

21... wow....

have another drink and drive yourself home

Maybe its getting easier?

nah. who am I kidding?
nothing is ever easy.
but at least I have small stretches of feeling "complete"

I'm absolutely stressing out about things I have to pay for. and even though I know I have to save for certain things, I somehow end up spending it on something or someone.
but it's not only that. I'm worried cuz of my band's seemingly limited income. due to a mixture of their lack of having jobs & ability to save.
I'm feeling a large burden of responsiblity on my shoulders... But I'm so determined to get things done that I'm willing to work for it all myself.
Failure isn't an option for me and I'm refusing to let anyone stand in my way.
So instead of purchasing things I need or want (a car, new clothes, food...), I'm focusing my finacial channels on career based elements.
If my whole band did this, I'm sure we'd be fine.
But I know not all are... which brings me back to the beginning...

I'm stressed.