Hesistating There's No Second Chance...

Jim -
Instead of the typical entry today, I've decided to post the bit of the first chapter of my new novel. Don't be hatein' because this hasn't been revised yet. I don't have a name for the story yet... so bare with me.
I suppose I'll add more of the story to my journal. not now though... I have more of it done. But I don't want to add it quite yet.
sooo... here we go... Constructive criticism only helps me. Thanks :D

"Will he die tonight?"
Death. The thought of it seemed all too inviting.
Breaking through the cloudy visions that flashed before his minds eye, he almost
accepted the invitation. He was about to let go when another voice caught his
attention.
"And what of King Jeremiah and Prince Gabriel?"
"Both twice
saved by Nathan's hand," Another answered.
Nathan. His name was Nathan...
"The Blood of the Covenant still lives?" The other asked, his voice more
urgent.
"It lives."
"It lives," He repeated relieved.
"Yes," He
returned. "But the followers of the Prophet Tristan -"
The name triggered
something in Nathan's mind. He now knew where he was. He knew what he had just
survived and how they would die if he didn't warn them. His grip on life
strengthened with a newfound power that welled inside of him. His eyes darted
open and he sat up and came to his feet. He startled the men around him with his
sudden movement.
"Na -"
"Everyone get out of the camp!" He exploded. He
looked at them with eyes of fury as they stood around him confused and
unblinking.
"Nathan, lie down. You're-"
Nathan took a step toward the
man... he looked familiar. He knew him... "Get everyone out of the camp, now!"
"But Nathan," The man pleaded - Alden. That was his name. - "You're safe
now. We rescued you from behind enemy lines."
Nathan looked at his friend
squarely in the eyes. "Do you wish to die this day?"
Alden looked at Nathan.
For what seemed an eternity, Alden stood silent, studying his friend. Sure that
he had gotten his point across; he brushed past Alden and went for the tent
entrance. Alden caught him by the shoulder. Nathan turned to face his friend's
signature, sloppy smile.
"I suppose I'll go with you," He said then grinned.
"I know you can't take care of yourself."
Nathan would have returned the
smile. He would have patted his friend on the back and told him than he had
always known that he would stick by him no matter what. He would have if matters
were less serious. Instead, He gave a short nod. "Gather your men. We leave
now."
Nathan left the tent, his tattered cloak flapping behind him. Alden
was right behind him, giving a steady stream of instructions to one of his men
who was walking briskly at his heels to keep up.
Alden was a large man in
comparison to his comrade, Nathan. It took many men two strides to match his
one. They both had the same light brown eyes but only Nathan had the hair to
match. Alden had shaggy, curly blond hair that stood as a vivid contrast to
Nathan's straight hair. They were almost complete opposites. Despite their
differences, they were the best of friends since they were boys.
The tent
flap behind Nathan opened. "You're fools!" A man called from behind, the
commander of the Covenant's 2nd league. "We're in enemy land! They'll kill you
if you go out there!"
Nathan was in no mind to argue the point. Enemy land
or not, they only had one chance at life. He ignored the shouts along with the
pain that came with every breath he took. He went to what he thought was his
tent. At least it was the day before. He opened the flap to see that his memory
served him well. He searched for only a few things. Most we already in his
shoulder pack. He stuffed a few more previsions in the pack. He strapped on his
sword that went across his back and replaced knives he had used the day before:
Two for each of his boots and the three that belonged on this belt. He didn't
like to be too heavily armed for speed's sake, but he knew the dangers of the
land. And now he knew the dangers of the army that patrolled it.
Without
looking back he left the tent. Alden and thirteen men and one woman met him
right outside. "What happened to your other men?" Nathan asked.
"You said we
leave now," Alden replied. "I had no time to round up a bunch of men in a camp
of this size."
"I'm glad you knew the importance of my words. We must leave
now." He cast a worried glance back at the rest of the camp. He grabbed two men
by the arms as they were passing by. "You," He looked at the one to his left, go
tell the rest of the camp to flee. Danger is coming." He looked at the other.
"And you go tell the commander to leave now. It's the only chance to survive."
He released both of them. Whether they did as he said or not, he didn't know. He
turned on heel and headed toward the north edge of the camp.
With Alden
behind him, Nathan led the group out into the main road - the last of the Second
League. The path was leading up a hill when the smell of burning flesh, smoke
and the sound of screams of agony unmatched by any sound of distress he has ever
heard in his life. He turned to see what he didn't need to see to know the truth of it: A camp in a roar
of flames.
A camp fallen to the hands of Prophet Nathan.
He turned to
Alden's men. "We are the last surviving," He looked each of them in the eye. "We
must keep going onward to alert the Covenant. They know we're here. Prophet
Tristan knows. The Covenant must live."
He turned and gave Alden a
reassuring smile. "I promised our adventures were over after we nearly drowned
together in Dunum Lake."
Alden smiled at the childhood memory. "You never
kept that promise. But I can't let you do this by yourself. You can't walk ten
paces without be keeping you from stumbling."
Nathan smiled. Alden had come
to Nathan's aid when he was in danger countless times. Nathan not being able to
survive on his one was a private joke between the two. Every time Alden came to
his rescue, he told him he could have very well have done it without him. "You'd
better be on your guard then. This trek is a hard one."
They both laughed
and started down the path. Alden's men, with nervous glances behind them
wondered how they could laugh after such an event.
The event that could very
well lead to the Covenant's demise.

There are supposed to be paragraphs but I don't feel like editing it. that is all... leave nice notes about how much I need to improve.
::Daily Lyrics:: - Emotionless I slip in to the black/ And there's no turning back now/ Everyone around me smoking crack/ This tunnel is blinding/ Hallucinating I'm debating life/ But it's still moving forward/ If I could change the hands of time ~ "Said" - Puddle Of Mudd