It's Driving Me Insane...

Jim - I've been doing a lot of research and I've found a lot of stuff to help with the band... I wrote a song for the band, completed the second verse of another (I wrote the other parts of it too), and I've wrote the music to those parts as well. I schedule practices and I make sure everyone is happy... But in the end, who has done all the work? I'll give you one guess... no... grrr...you're wrong.... it was obvious... it's me! I fell like I'm pulling this how operation and I'm holding the pieces together... this is turning into a one man band so fast it isn't even funny... I'm going to have to dump some of the work load on some of the others... I'm like the freakin' manager... well... I kind of have to be since no one else in the band will make an effort to make things work... either they're too lazy, or they're not taking it seriously... I can understand Nick's problem because he has a job and he has that obligation... anyway... forget that... I updated the Shortcut website (that can be seen to your right at the top of the list.... if you're slow and haven't caught on - That's my band) and I put 2 of our lyrics on the site (That I wrote, o'course). welp... yeah.... I don't know... anyway... yeah... Friendstar has a gig this friday downtown and I expect you all to be there. Catch you later...
The Band - Well.. I kind of said what I wanted to say up there..... so... Patrick call me.
::Daily Lyrics:: - A chill runs up your spine/ It crawls into your brain/ The freezing touch of fear/ It's driving me insane/ Although you try to fight/ Dragged from the silence where you hide/ 'til you... Scream ~ "Scream!" - Misfits

Forget Everything That We Have Done...

Jim - *sigh*... yup... here we are again... ummmm.. nothing really to say except... I'VE BEEN COURTNEY DEPRIVED! I NEED COURTNEY!!!!.... yeah... poop... I love her so much and I wanna be with her... grrrr.... but nooo... school just has to be out. I can't see her or anything. poop... that sucks weasels... some people would thoughtlessly label me as obsessed... well they're wrong because I'm madly obsessed... there is a difference. They need to get their facts straight.... but anyway... I LOVE MY COURTNEY POOH... Oh well... *sigh*... I wish she felt the same... but you know them... they never do... blah...
::Daily Lyrics:: - can't remember the last time I saw you smile/ It might have been around this time last year/ It takes alot of me/ To get the nerve to tell you everything is ok/ And what if I don't/ Would you even care/ Would you even care ~ "Forget Everything" - NFG

High Fructose Corn Syrup...

Jim - Well... I'm basically taking a break to eat and catch you guys up... The truth is... I've been spending the last 2 days in total reconstruction of my room... I'm almost finished. I never realized how much junk I had until this week. I'm getting rid of a lot of it, and I'm happy... I'm tired of all that stuff. I'm far from a deprived child when it comes to stuff. I never need anything because my mom provides it.... I'm grateful for that... I've been working nonstop since the 23rd... That just goes to show you how much junk I have... We're not rich, but I have plenty to share (but I'm giving it away... Which I like better.. A lot of my stuff is in very good condition...). We know this family with like six kids that we're gonna give the stuff to. They're really in a money bind and I'm glad to give it to them... they're gonna have a very happy Christmas. Although being at home is hell on earth, it makes me happy to give some things to other people... it's a great feeling. But anyway... We're also working on the downstairs and the house across the street... I'm not really doing those... my job in my room is the biggest though. I had something more to say, but I walked away from my pc and forgot.... oh well... I'll write more if I remember... Happy Christmas Eve!

More Radiance Than The Breath Of The Sun...

Jim - Over the course of the day and what I've heard about. I can only leave you with these lyrics...
::Daily Lyrics:: - Bleed hope/ My heart was strung from feelings wound from an/ Absent emotion which rang euphonic distortion of memories I left to drown/ In tears of seclusion/ I'll scream this pain from my lungs/ We live life as a blank canvas.../ Your skin against my skin begins to mend these/ Shards of my life that had fallen to the floor/ And this ink pen, spills from my/ Heart what I could never say ~ "Passive" - Estrela

You Can Find Compassion Here... But The Page Turns Too Fast

Jim - Well.... today was a song writing and practice day for me... I also finally updated the band's website. Nothing really to talk about... so I'll leave you with some lyrics I wrote for the band.

He Died

Did you see it fall?
Did you here me dream?
Candid answers truging through
We tried...
Cover it at night
Don't let them see
Ghosts of the past haunting me
He died...
They took us out, put us in
Locked the outside for what lies inside
dissolved in the victim's tears
We tried...
He died...
Inside...
The Band - Umm we're gonna practice our butts off this week so let me know what days.
::Daily Lyrics:: - Adjust the aperture to focus on the negative/ Like phosphors in the darkroom ignite/ Like dodging faces in the corner of the print/ Frame by frame this hole is opening and we fall in ~ "A Hole In The World" - Thursday

Cheer Up My Friends All Say... You're Better Alone Anyways...

Jim - Grr.... This is one of the worst days of the year.... I passed all the exams I took today... but it's always sad leaving DFA... It's like I'm leaving my family behind... Cuz I hate being home... 2 weeks of this is madness. Today was the "anniversary" of Courtney dumping me... nice combo, if I do say so myself... leaving day and break up day... Isn't that just peachy... I saw Colleen today... I didn't want to talk to her... she came to see her friends and I don't wanna interrupt... blah.. I'm in the worst mood right now... I'm gonna go cry or something...
::Daily Lyrics:: - I can't dream anymore since you left/ I miss you singing me to sleep/ I can't wake anymore in your arms/ I miss you singing me to sleep/ Cheer up my friends all say... ~ "Dressed To Kill" - NFG

These Dreams Never Cease...

Jim - well... it's only been 2 days, but it seems like forever since I last wrote in this thing... anyway... nothing has really happened in my life... I spent the day messing around since we really didn't have work to do... I could have been studying for my exam that day, but it was Chorale... kind of hard to study for that... I had the best day in geometry yet... sitting outside the classroom with Paige and Cayla (dude... all these freshman people I associate with!) talking and laughing... I was feeling quite silly that day and Paige can testify on my behalf on that one... the Chorale exam was easy.... Basically a recording and some writing. After that I was in a bad mood for some odd reason... Then I got called to the office and I left early... I hate it when that happens even though that's like the first time it ever happened to me... anyway.... I'm rambling again... Be good to animals, stay safe over the holidays, and never shave your eyebrows (Paige knows what I'm talking about) ... OH YEAH!.. and save those JESUS-BUCKS!..hehe... peace outside!
Courtney Is Coolio
The Band - I think we're still on for practice Friday... so... yeah....
::Daily Lyrics:: - I had a dream last night and in my dream I robbed a country club/ A 5 year old tried to stop me, but I shot him through the head/ And now he's dead ~ "Free Fall Without A Parachute" - Senses Fail

But Never Will It Drive Me To Hate...

Jim - Life so far is okay... I guess... We had our first exams today... After World History and Spanish of mostly free time, I had a geometry exam. Although it was quite easy, is seemed like it went on for pages... which it did.. but you know what I mean... Lit was another free period... Afterwards health exam which was relatively easy... I saw some of the questions on there that I missed last time so I made sure I didn't miss those. At the end of they day we had our Computers exam... it was really funny cuz Rachel and I always compete in speed... she beat me yet again but I only didn't do better cuz I didn't want to spend the whole period on it... The funny part is that she made an error right before her timing ended (The same thing happened to me last week) ... she was so pissed while I laughed... yeah... I know... my life sucks... oh well... but I love my Courtney, and I have my Jesus-bucks... so, it's okay...
The Band - Practice on friday... I don't know where yet, but I'll let you guys know
::Daily Lyrics:: - Here in the southtown you know that kid don't play/ Put it down on the streets, will I see another day... if I/ Make it back this time, gots to hold what is mine/ And thank god that I made it alive ~ "Southtown" - P.O.D.

POOP!

Jim - well... I went to the mall today and saw like half of DFA there.... It as pretty much just wandering around. Then, low and behold.. there was Colleen... It scared me so bad.... anyway... I walked around with her and her mom for awhile while they got gifts for people... and followed them to their car... Then I saw Jonathan and I walked around with him until I had to go.... I got Courtney the cutest gift. Oh well... nothing else to say.. but EXAMS!

Somewhere In These Violent Volumes...

Jim - WHOA!!!..... I am Sooooo monkin' tired.... I worked all monkin' day. Gosh... I'm to sleepy to go into detail... I'm going to the mall tom. to pick up some gifts... Contact me if you wanna meet me there to hang out or to show me around... I haven't been to the mall sense July.... I gotta get some gifts... I guess.... I need a break before exams too... relieve some stress before lock down mode... well that's life... as always, I hate weekends, I love you even though it isn't fair, and don't scare children with that hideous pair of shoes you were thinking about getting...
::Daily Lyrics:: - And I would stick up half of my cold eye/ To set you on your head/ If I were you then I would memorize/ This loose lipped lullaby instead of waiting/ Carving out your own/ Scars they cut into you/ Blisters rose colored hue/ Mayday we're going down/ Follow me what's around ~ "Shatterday" - Vendetta Red

Choke Me...

Jim - okay... well.. Mrs. Stracke is crazy.. giving us like 3 tests before the exam... trying to kill my average... and I already know I'm gonna fail her exam... she just had to go and make it worse. When Spanish 2 is over, I'm am out of there.. that is the only class that makes me want school to be over faster. We were judged by this dude in chorale today... I don't know why I can't recall his name right now. but anyway, we sound ALOT better on Brahms... I never really thought about the stuff he said... which reminds me.. I have a literary audition tom.... the biology test was easy... I don't know why everyone said it was hard... well that's about it.... life is life....
COURTNEY IS COOLIO!

I Don't Want To Play This Game

Jim -

First

number of times I have been in love: ... twice?
number of hearts I have broken: none, I don't think
number of boys I have kissed in my life: none
number of girls I have kissed: errr... 1...
number of continents I have visited: 2 if you count central America as a separate continent but since it isn't really: 1
number of drugs taken illegally: none
number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: umm... 2
number of people from high school that I stayed in contact with: umm... not out of HS yet
number of cd's that I own: whoa... no idea... bunches
number of piercings: none
number of tattoos: none
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: ... I don't know... at least 5 times
number of scars on my body: how in the world do you expect me to know that?
number of scars on my heart: 2
number of people that have made me scared of what they could do to me physically: 0
number of things in my past that I regret: hundreds...

Second

When was the last time you...
Smiled?: umm... about 5 minutes ago
Laughed?: umm... since school
Cried?: yesterday
Bought something?: ummm... I don't know... weeks?
Danced?: a few hours ago
Were sarcastic?: a few hours ago
Kissed someone?: ummm... a month or so
Talked to an ex?: today
Watched your favorite movie?: ummm... I don't have a favourite movie....
Had a nightmare?: umm... Months...

A last time for everything...
Last book you read: reread of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle
Last movie you saw: umm... rugrates with a cousin at my house
Last song you heard: "White Lights" - Rufio
Last thing you had to drink: Water
Last time you showered: about an hour ago
Last thing you ate: peanut butter crackers

Do you...
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Have sex?: no
Sleep with stuffed animals?: most of the time
Live in the moment?: yup... but I still govern myself in a reasonable manor... Let nothing be your guide but reason... Terry Goodkind's 6th rule
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: only once
Play an instrument?: yup... 5
Believe there is life on other planets?: umm... the universe is way too fine tuned for that... but if there is, it wouldn't surprise me
Remember your first love?: yes
Still love him/her?: yes... not in the same way though...
Read the newspaper?: we stopped getting it.... so not anymore
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: yup
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: very much so
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: very
Consider love a mistake?: no
Like the taste of alcohol?: umm... I've never tasted alcohol that I know of... so... I don't know
Have a favorite candy?: no... I don't really like candy
Believe in astrology?: nope
Believe in magic?: not really... but it depends on what you're talking about
Believe in God?: yes
Pray?: yes
Go to church?: yes
Have any secrets?: ummm.. I guess...
Have any pets: nope
Do well in school?: yes
Go to or plan to go to college?: yes
Have a major?: yup, Music
Talk to strangers who instant message you?: sure... but if I don't know them, I'm not gonna just talk to them all the time
Wear hats?: no
Have any piercings?: nope
Have any tattoos?: nope
Hate yourself?: nope
Have an obsession?: Courtney! and music
Have a secret crush?: umm... I don't think it's so secret... but sure....
Do they know yet?: I do believe so
Collect anything?: money.... no really... money from all over the world...
Have a best friend?: yes
Wish on stars?: no
Like your handwriting?: I don't hate it...
Have any bad habits?: I guess... none that come to mind right now unless you consider biting my nails
Care about looks?: to a certain extent
Boy/girlfriend's looks?: no, not really
Believe in witches?: err.... depends on what you're talking about
Believe in Satan?: yes
Believe in ghosts?: in a way... but not in the way ghosts are usually referred to as.
::Daily Lyrics:: - She wanted me to tell her my fears/ She wanted me to let go/ I don't know why I said it I just can't trust anyone, I knew she was true/ I never liked the sound of being alone so much/ Just one touch to help with the coldness/ Persuasion was a trait she held in her hand when she took mine and I understood then ~ "Good Times" - Catch 22

Or Is It Just One Following Another...

Jim - Evidently, some people don't understand me... When I write in this journal, it's pretty much when I look back over they day and see what has happened to me, I write what goes through my head and the extremely over exaggerated emotions I feel. Being human (yes. human... I know it's a shock to you all), I say things influenced by how I feel.... Like when I'm really happy, sad because someone hurt me, or highly annoyed at this stupid rubik's cube that I still haven't solved even with the assistance of others who have done it before or is very good at it and my progress yet and still has not proved fruitful!!!!!... not speaking from any experience whatsoever o'course... most people who actually know me pretty much disregard anything negative that I say, knowing that I usually don't believe a lot of the stuff I say anyway... I'm sorry if I hurt you and I'll try to refrain from - wait doorbell... okay, back....umm. yeah... I'll try to refrain from saying anything to hurt anyone else...
Anyway.... nothing really good in my day today... my day was pretty much trying to figure out the rubik's cube puzzle...I'm determined that it won't win... I'm going to beat it...
::Daily Lyrics:: - I said what is that you're saying today/ The exact opposite of yesterday/ It's funny how things can change/ And you mind gets rearranged ~ "Change" - Mest

I give up...

Jim - Well.... you think you have friends that you can trust and stuff... but no!... no you don't! It's all a lie... The people you think are you friends are just people who think you're stupid and hate you... blah.... just let it all burn in hell...

I Hate Sauerkraut!...

Jim - WELL!... back to my life... our World History test was easy... at least I thought it was and I didn't even study... It feels weird when I like finish my test like 10 minutes before anyone else... Makes me feel uncomfortable... like I was too reckless in taking the test. But I make good grades, so I guess I'm just not struggling while others are... I bombed that spanish poem thingie though... that sucks.. oh well... anyway... my pc was taken AGAIN!... at least I got to do my lab this time. I thought our Lit test was a joke... everyone one else was like... it was hard... I didn't study for that either (Have you noticed a trend here.....*hint: I DON'T STUDY*). I kept messing up in typing today and I have to do them over cuz they didn't print. WHEW!.. I was late for my call time for the chorale concert... I couldn't get music because I didn't have time... so I had to do the whole thing form memory. which really sucked on This Little Babe... over all, the day sucked... but that's okay... for some strange reason I'm not all that disturbed... I usually get really nervous after a concert (don't ask me why) but this time I wasn't... oddness... anyway....keep eating those salt & vinegar chips and drinking chocolate milk shakes everyday!

Cam's got westside
Courtney's got East Coast
And I have SOUTH BORDER!

haha... hoo...
::Daily Lyrics:: - That's all I'm really trying to say/ And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up/ And find yourself in an existential quandary/ Full of loathing and self-doubt/ And wrecked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence/ A least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that/ Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours/ There's still a small place called/ Albuquerque! ~ "Albuquerque" - Weird Al

Not Enough to feed the Hungry...

Jim - well... nothing new.... I'm just happy the weekend is over. Yet again, my pc was taken in geometry... If it's taken again tom., I might get a little ugly... well... more ugly... welp..... that's about all here... I have a Chorale Concert thingie tom. night with the one act perfomances. It's gonna suck cuz we're not doing any of the good stuff... oh well... AND... I hate it when people don't tell me stuff and I feel like I'm just some stupid idiot oblivious to all of everything that happens and nobody really cares to fill me in on anything... grr... but that's expected... no one would wanna tell me anything... I'm just happy-go-lucky Jim that doesn't have a frekin' care in the word, so I couldn't possibly understand in anyway... or maybe I'd BECOME AN EMOTIONAL WRECK IF ANYONE FILLED ME IN ON THE REALITY OF ANYTHING. Oh no... Jim's way to naive for that. It's best if he doesn't know anything... grrr... whatever... It'll all be better when I go on tour...

Poetic twisted Memories
Lock what's free in boundaries
Frolic in the melting sun
Your own joy becomes your only titan
Brazen destruction
Invalid instruction
Peaceful eruption
Static corruption
~Jim
::Daily Lyrics:: - And won't you think I'm pretty/ When I'm standing top the bright lit city/ And I'll take your hand and pick you up/ And keep you there so you can see/ As long as your alive and care/ I promise I will take you there/ And we'll drink and dance the night away - "The Taste Of Ink" - The Used

You Won't Feel Anything...

Jim -
With More Sorrows

Another weekend comes to a close
Another day passes, made a few friends and some foes
Redirected into madness
Crowded by the masses
I can't see my hand in front of my face
Can't hear the thoughts in my head
I watch the fools dance in disgrace
Let them speak 10,000 words left unsaid
Darkness blowing through the trees
Howling at the setting sun
Clouds up to my knees
Ashamed of the things I've done
Another hour comes to a close
Another minute passes, the Day closes with more sorrows
~Jim
::Daily Lyrics:: - Imperfect cry, and scream in ecstasy/ So what befalls the flawless?/ Look what I've built (Please don't do this)/ It shines so beautifully (Why won't you look at me?)/ Now watch as it destroys me/ Y regreso aqui otro vez y comienzo/ To... Break down, and cease all feeling/ Burn now, what once was breathing/ Reach out, and you may take my heart away... "The Leaving Song (Part 2)" - AFI

Memories Remain...

Jim - Well... It's the dreaded weekend and, as always, I'm not ready for it. The day started stressful... knowing that everything was unprepared... I don't know... it's like I didn't get any work done... anyway...We had our Spanish fiesta (The only reason I take Spanish is for the food every six weeks). It was great because we like ATE!... We were supposed to recite poems while we ate, but we didn't have enough time.... which was great because I only knew like 2/3 of mine... I just can't memorize poems and stuff.... yet alone memorize them in Spanish. We wasted like 20 min. of class time in geometry cuz we were messing around. And Mr. Miller requested that I go get him a plate of food from Spanish... I couldn't do my lab because we had a quiz and Rebecca stole my pc... and she's sooooooo slow on the quiz that I got tired of waiting for her and I started doing her lab... We recorded again in chorale... it went pretty smoothly except I sung pretty low on O Nata Lux cuz my voice wasn't at it's best today and those notes were killing me. Quiz in Lit. despite the absence of Ms. Kelly... after that we pretty much just talked and I finished my health HW. ... skip about an hour tooooo biology where we had a lab that was chaos. Me, Cameron, Noah, and Wright just pretty much fooled around the whole time. At the end of biology, we just messed around and Noah pulled out this paper out of his pocket.... it was a 7 dollar bill with Jesus's face on it and on the back it talked about salvation... Cameron grabbed it and was like.. "What's this?" And then he started laughing and carrying around saying "HAHA! JESUS-BUCKS!"... I walked out of school... leaving my family behind with Chelsi on one arm and Courtney on the other... We waited for Colleen to come and then I saw her and I left cuz I didn't wanna go talk to her when her friends and stuff were there... It would be weird... I just don't feel like I'm a part of them... so I just watched them until I left... I hate being at home and I'm looking forward to a weekend of nothing to do but sitting looking stupid... maybe picking up my guitar a few times and writing music... as long as I still have my JESUS-BUCKS!....
Courtney is coolio...
::Daily Lyrics:: - Night is over/ Orange haze has/ Filled my eyes again/ She's not perfect/ I'm still feeling/ Weak inside when she's around/ Well don't hate me - "Don't Hate Me" - Rufio

And I Know You Feel Empty All The Time...

Jim - Okay.... one day until the weekend and I'm so not ready... like always. I have be home which is e-ville. I've been getting reeealy serious about my voice. I've been pretty much changeing my life style to condition my voice as well as I can. I've been doing some screaming, and I need only the best for my voice. We recorded in chorale today. It was interesting because on Mystic Trumpeter, Allen was out (no french horn) and we started over twice because Phil messed up at the same place for some strange reason... I guess it was stress in knowing that it had to be perfect... I saw my Courtney-Pooh that I love so very very much and I talked to Michel about music and stuff... and She, suzie, and Marchel are going to start a band and that's gonna rock monkeys.. Don't you hate the name Gretchen?... I do..... okay that was random... but anyway... I hugged Chelsi because she reeks awesomeness and then I desided to go... I don't know.. maybe there's something wrong with me...

To Cameron

YOU DON'T LIVE IN DA GHETTO-HOOD! You live in a hood dog! You think you live in a ghetto-hood? ...foo'.... you got neighbors.... In da Ghetto-hood... you ain't got no neighbors, you got yo hit list - the people 2 houses down da street dat stole yo tv... and you got yo homies - dat sells you drugs and Bailed you out of prison when the man tried to learn us black man somthin'... nah foo' you ain't got no ghetto-hood 'round heeaa!...

Okay enough of that...
The Band - I've had to make some executive decisions about the band because pete's band (despite their wretched name) is getting ahead of us..... we need to get a lot more practice time in.
::Daily Lyrics:: - Why Leave when you claim it is love?/ But why stay when you're not the only one?/ She's proved she's strong/ Be brave, be strong/ She's better off sleeping on the floor/ 'Cause she fell right off when all/ Is said, You know/ It's okay to just want more ~ "Emo" - Blink 182

Don't you think that's that cutest picture ever?!?!

As I Descend It Starts Again...

Jim - ... How could my life get any more boring?... wait... I bet it can but let's not even think about that... Right now, I'm on the search for some friends... I don't really have any close friends... I may be well known... but I don't have many friends... I don't know why everybody gets that confused... I have no idea where to start... but that's life... I'll be much more happy once I can get some friends... for now, I'll just be a loner... cici is wonderful...
::Daily Lyrics:: - Sliding down... spiraling/ Grasping on the breath of corruption/ Fighting undertow/ Holding on... realizing/ My own hopelessness finally letting go ~ "Phoenix" - Ace Troubleshooter

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These Break Up Songs Make Sense Again...

Jim - Well... my life is better sense I got back to school... but upon request, I'd like to take some time and talk about my dear friend Jona. Jona is one of my most bestest friends that I value bunches. She's full of good advice and methods of cheering those who are feeling unhappy... Jona is a wonderful person and I love her.... THANKS JONA!... yup.. well....nothing of great note is happening in my life... I spent he day obsessing over Courtney... she's a great person... *sigh*... yeah... nothing is ever easy...
::Daily Lyrics:: - Where were you?/ Please believe in me/ I'm not hanging up the phone till I hear you say/ "I love you/ I need you near"/ Just give me one last chance/ And I'll never let you down again ~ "Summer Wind Was Always Our Song" - The Ataris

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